Over-schooling preschool
Mother Crone recently brought up a trend that’s a bit disturbing for her: lots of organized homeschooling for preschoolers. She cited me as one of three bloggers with preschoolers that she thought were doing it right, with lots of play and freedom to still be kids.
I’ve been ruminating for a while on this topic, since she brought it up. One of my daycare kids, who is 3 1/2 years old, will be going to a “real preschool” two afternoons a week, because her mom is worried about getting her ready for kindergarten. Is what I do here with the daycare kids not “real preschool”? What is preschool really all about? Why do some people “over school” preschool?
I’m going to talk about the over-schooling first. For parents in general, I think there is more stress than ever that their children will somehow “fall behind” before they even really get out of the gate. It’s a race, all aimed at Achieve Achieve Achieve and being “above average”. In other words, your kid needs to be better than most other kids out there. If your child is “gifted” (I hate that label), you simply must give them lots of extra ”opportunities” so that they can reach their “potential”. If they are “delayed” you have to give them extra help to “catch up”. If they are normal, you still have to give them a “leg up on the competition”. All of this starts from the moment the child is born.
For people staying home to homeschool preschool, there is extra pressure. Maybe you have made the wrong choice – maybe you are stunting your child’s entire future success because you didn’t send them to preschool. It may seem that the only way to “prove” that you are doing the right thing is to have a little prodigy on your hands. What – your preschooler can’t recite all the states in alphabetical order or play Mozart on the piano? Better get on that, right away. Even if that is extreme, there is still just regular old comparison making. “Jenny’s” son “Jimmy” brought home some fancy creation from his preschool – your child’s art is still unrecognizable. “Jimmy’s” preschool has a fancy puppet theater and they put on productions – your child still won’t talk to strange people and hides behind your legs. You can’t stand the superior looks “Jenny” is throwing your way – or you think she is. Maybe she’s just feeling defensive about something she thinks is superior about your child – we’re all prey to these doubts.
And then, there’s another pressure for a stay-at-home parent. What are you doing with yourself and your talents all day long? Surely you didn’t get a college degree to spend your days having tea parties and building Lego towers? When your partner comes home at the end of the day and says “how was your day honey”, isn’t there a desire to have something to say you did that day? Having a school plan and doing real “lessons” seems like you’re doing more than if you just let the kids play, or you play with them. And there’s the other rub – sometimes adults find children’s play boring. How many times can we dress that doll, or throw that ball, or even just listen to the rambling questions about everything? A school plan can make life more interesting for us, as we plan and research and do cool projects.
That’s how we can get sucked into over-schooling our children. It fills a need for us – the parent. But, we’re the big girls/boys here, and we should be able to find a way to fill our own needs that doesn’t put stress on our kids. If we are afraid they will fail in life, we need to address our fears and find a way to have faith in our children. If we are competitive in our comparisons we need to realize that and stop looking at life as a big race to some kind of finish line. If we are feeling guilty about “wasting” ourselves at home, we need to both realize that being there with our children is valuable and realize that we don’t have to be a “big shot” to be worthy of existence. And, if we are bored, we need to find stimulation for ourselves at home.
This post got long! I’ll have to talk about what I think preschool really should be for kids in a later post.
Yup. Yup. and YUP! You are RIGHT ON!
Can I get an “amen?”
I’d also like to add that these perceptions and attitudes only continue to snowball as children grow. My child is more advanced in some obscure areas and not up to the levels dictated by state in other areas, but we refuse to pressure her to catch up and continue to focus on moving forward at a comfortable steady pace. The pressure from family members is unrelenting. There is little time devoted to focusing on special interest areas that are advanced and only inquiry about doing the same things the public school currently are. Which is more important: that a can read Harry Potter when she is eight because everyone else is or that she reads Ramona the Pest, totally loves it, goes on to read every book in the series and then is inspired to draw pictures of Ramona and write a short story?
This is such an important issue that seems to start almost in utero these days. Thank you for writing about it. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts on the topic.
What a wonderful and insightful post. I knew I was right…you *get* it for sure!
I hope others will read this and learn from your wisdom!
As much as I believe in how I’m (not) “teaching” my daughter is right, it is nice to hear I’m not alone.
I agree with Angela, you do “get it” and it shows.
Wonderful post!
My kids are well beyond preschool age now, but you are right on. Oddly enough, both of my kids *went* to preschool – but the preschools were exactly what I wanted for my kids: hands-on, process vs. product, pretend play, lots of free access to art materials, non-structured and not a ditto sheet in sight. I highly recommend that you track down books by Bev Bos ( “Don’t Move the Muffin Tins”, “Together We’re Better”, and another title that I can’t recall). Better yet, if you EVER have the chance to see her speak, do! She’s an inspiration.
“her mom is worried about getting her ready for kindergarten”
This is what bugs me: kindergarten was added to prepare the child for first grade but then *became* 1st grade. Kids used to play and have snacks and learn about colors. Now they learn to read.
So preschool is added to prepare kids for kindergarten. Once reading is moved down to preschool, what will the new prep class be called? I’ve read that some educators are already asking for special classes for economically disadvantaged 3-year-olds.
In my perfect world, no classes begin until 1st grade. Let the kids play and learn on their own until age 7 or so. Let the boys with endless amounts of energy run outside instead of being stuck at a desk.
I blogged (not quite so eloquently) about this, almost a year ago… http://onlysometimesclever.wordpress.com/?s=tutor+toddlers+with+hugs
In there, I quote from a little article I’d read on the topic. This says it best, from Matthew Melmed, from Zero to Three: “We know from decades of research that children learn best through their everyday experiences with the people they know, trust and love, not in structured environments where they are pressured to perform.”
Wow, eh? Even the experts basically agree that the best environment in which a child will flourish is — suprise! — his/her HOME.
You struck a nerve with a lot of folks here!
Yes, I agree too. What hit home for me the most was the idea that planning themes, units, and interesting activities gives *me* something interesting to do with the time JediBoy is freely exploring his environment. Fortunately, I’ve been able to keep those plans as “just ideas” in my head – sometimes we follow through with them and sometimes they stay untouched on my hard drive.