The Learning Umbrella

My father liked the saying “do as I say, not as I do”.  It’s basically permission for parents to be hypocrites, drinking and telling their kids not to drink, spending crazy amounts of money and telling their kids to be thrifty, etc.  I’m sure he didn’t plan on being a hypocrite, it’s just that he also knew there were plenty of things he didn’t have down “right”.  And it’s normal to want your children to do better than you did, to avoid the mistakes you made, and somehow be the people we talk about but aren’t necessarily ourselves.

The problem is, why would any child do that?  Sure, there are some cases where we can learn from the mistakes of others - but isn’t it usually when that person is “reformed” and looking back with regret at those mistakes.

Children look to their parents to see how they should behave in this world.  Children learn to talk like their parents talk, whether it is slang, regional accents, or cussing.  You can have your accent/dialect analyzed and they will tell you not just where you come from, but also where your parents come from.  Children also learn other habits from watching their parents - everything from eating habits to spending habits to attitudes towards adversity.  Every book I read about some specific aspect of childhood, from optimism to healthy eating, suggests that parents need to work on their own issues so that they present a healthy role model of the desired behavior/attitude.

So why would academics and learning be any different?  If we want our children to be “life long learners”, are we modeling that behavior?  Do our kids get to watch us try to learn a new skill?  Do they see us problem-solve?  Do we read in front of them?  Do we exercise in front of them?  Do we use math in our lives?  What kind of learner are we modeling for them?

As homeschoolers, we have such an opportunity to be with our children and influence them through our example.  The time I spent learning with my mother is one of my favorite memories.  My mother is a reader and a learner.  We would read the same books and talk about them.  We would “look things up” (before “google it” was a verb), and talk about things we saw in the evening news.  She also set me the example of practicing her cello with dedication and going out and performing in an orchestra.  When I talk with homeschooling moms now, they seem shocked that she would find the time to go out a few nights a week for her own activity, and earn money, and homeschool.  One mom I know even suggested that it seemed a bit selfish to her, to not be 100% focused on your kids educations.

And that is a problem, I think.  We are so worried about being selfish.  Is it selfish to spend time reading books?  It doesn’t benefit anyone but yourself.  But you enjoy it, you learn new things, you get new ideas, and you continue to grow as a person.  Maybe that growth will produce something great for others (or maybe it won’t).  But we can’t feel like it’s selfish to pursue our own growth and interests.  The example that homeschooling moms set for their families and others is admirable, with the love and the care and the belief that their kids are important.  But what about the moms themselves?  How important are they, if we judge by what we see and hear?

I propose that there is a wonderful opportunity in homeschooling to have everyone be important, including the person doing most of the supervision of the children.  Because this person is usually the mom, and I’m a mom, I’m calling my idea “Mommy School”.  When I plan school work for the kids and my sister, I also plan it for myself.  What do I want to learn?  What do I need to practice?  And I do it during school time, not during my “free time” which is snatched while the kids are sleeping or otherwise occupied.  It’s just as important as what the kids are doing, and I want them to see me doing it.  If I’m studying French, I want them to get used to hearing it.  I want them to see that adults exercise, and read, and watch documentaries, and have conversations about ideas.  I want them to grow up knowing that their mom goes to classes, and learns new skills, and tries new things.  They can choose to do the same type of things, or different things, but I feel pretty sure that they are more likely to be the kind of people that “do” things if they see this modeled from an early age.